Quotes from Season One
Susie Sings the Blues
Chuckie: See, I'm vanilla. Crustless vanilla Finster. I was gonna get the chocolate mango swirl bar, but no! I chickened out at the last minute.
Tommy: Actually Chuckie, you chickened out at the last minute. But hey, be tight with that.
Chuckie: But I want to be tight with a different Chuckie. The Chuck. A Chuck who takes risk, a Chuck who flirts with danger.
Tommy: Actually Chuckie, you chickened out at the last minute. But hey, be tight with that.
Chuckie: But I want to be tight with a different Chuckie. The Chuck. A Chuck who takes risk, a Chuck who flirts with danger.
Coup DeVille
Dil: Weirdorama. It's corinthian leather. But it smells like egg salad.
Phil: That is so immature. (Phil sniffs the shoe) Cat butt, duh.
* * * * *
Chuckie: I've been humiliated year after year and now my suffering is over. Today, I'm taking a stand for coordinately-challenged kids everywhere!
Tommy: And tomorrow?
Chuckie: Tommy, don't ruin my moment.
Chuckie's in Love
Tommy: Poor guy.
Phil: I remember a day when that was us.
Tommy: You mean like yesterday?
* * * * *
Chuckie: She's the prettiest, smartest, funniest girl in school.
Tommy: Angelica?
Tommy: Angelica?
* * * * *
Chuckie: Ah, knew it. I'm invisible to her. I'm just a jellyfish with legs. Invisible jellyfish Finster.
Tommy: Just talk to her. Let you're true personality shine through. How could she not like you?
Chuckie: What am I supposed to say?
Phil: How about, "Hi, I'm Chuck, and you just grabbed my aspic."
* * * * *
Phil: Hello, I am Fungo. Where I come from toilets flush the other way.
Betty: No, where you're from, they sometimes don't get flushed at all!
Truth or Consequences
Betty: Nobody do anything. Just stay put! According to my astrological charts, Mercury is retrograding or reverse or something. Point is, it's not going in the right direction!
Stu: Must be the hormones talking.
* * * * *
Angelica: What are you doing? Dead people don't get up and walk around.
Dil: They do if they have to pee.
* * * * *
Phil: (Farts)
Lil: Gross, you farted in here.
Phil: It was you, Lillian.
Lil: Nuh uh, Phillip. It's biologically impossible for girls to fart.
Tommy: Cut! Take five. Air out the suit.
* * * * *
Pangborn: This is a standard psychological Rorschach test. I show you an inkblot, you tell me what you see.
Dil: A Rorschach test.
Pangborn: (Huffs) Now what do you see?
Dil: A medieval castle, hundreds of angry villagers, a raging moat, a fire breathing dragon and, a honey-baked ham.
Pangborn: (Hits his head on desk in disgust)
Thief Encounter
Betty: You boys seen Rufus anywhere?
Tommy: Who's Rufus?
Betty: Garden gnomes don't vanish into thin air.
Dil: I'm sure Rufus will call if he's in trouble.
* * * * *
Tommy: You guys are getting awful worked up over nothing. I promise you, this test is gonna be cake. If you don't believe me, ask Chuckie. He took it last year.
Chuckie: Worst experience of my life.
Susie: I can describe that test in one word: (Susie screams)
Chuckie: Worst experience of my life.
Susie: I can describe that test in one word: (Susie screams)
* * * * *
Tommy: I'm just gonna go ahead and throw this out there. Any particular reason why you're spooning the DeVille's garden gnome?
Dil: Not a clue. But you gotta admit, Rufus sure does brighten up the place.
* * * * *
Lil, Chuckie, and Tommy: (Howling like dogs)
Phil: (Mooing)
Chuckie: Phil, we're trying to get the dogs barking, not summoning some cows in Idaho.
River Rats
Tommy: Now remember, you're probably going to hear sounds you're not used to.
Phil: (Burps)
Phil: (Burps)
Tommy: Like that, uh, exotic gross-faced disgusto bird.
* * * * *
Tommy: I mean, if anyone can survive in this place it's your mom, Phil. Remember that time she pulled the school bus out of that huge mud ditch by herself?
Chuckie: And with a cast on her arm.
Phil: And she never dropped that pizza.
(Laughter)
Chuckie: And with a cast on her arm.
Phil: And she never dropped that pizza.
(Laughter)
* * * * *
Betty: Whoa, talk about your adventure! Wait till I tell Howie. On second thought, better not. He once got queasy washing his face.
Old and the Restless
Mr. Beaker: Now it is my pleasure to introduce someone who is underappreciated, under loved, and oft-forgotten. No, this time it's not me. Meet Mr. Spleen.
* * * * *
Grandpa: Uh oh, should've used the little boy's room when I had the chance. Did you empty the tank, scout?
(Snickering)
Brother, Can You Spare the Time?
Chuckie: You're ugly.
Phil: You got that right.
Lil: That was just a test to see if Chuckie could lie, Phillip.
Phil: Well Lillian, maybe you should have a test where he actually has to, lie.
Lil: Yeah. May I remind you that you look just like me, if you had style and cute hair.
Phil: You got that right.
Lil: That was just a test to see if Chuckie could lie, Phillip.
Phil: Well Lillian, maybe you should have a test where he actually has to, lie.
Lil: Yeah. May I remind you that you look just like me, if you had style and cute hair.
* * * * *
Didi: Hi sweetie. I thought you had soccer practice.
Tommy: I did, but I had to duck out. I have groupies!
Phil: Can you take something for that?
Tommy: I did, but I had to duck out. I have groupies!
Phil: Can you take something for that?
* * * * *
Dil: I am happy for you T, really proud. I guess, I guess ...
Tommy: What?
Dil: That I've always known I see the world ...
Tommy: Like a giant triangle, I know.
Tommy: What?
Dil: That I've always known I see the world ...
Tommy: Like a giant triangle, I know.
Dil: No, well yes, but no.
Lucky 13
Charlotte: Any idea how the invitations to Tommy, Dil, and the rest of that group ended up stuffed behind the refrigerator?
Angelica: Fluffy! No cat toys for a week.
Charlotte: Invite them.
Angelica: Tommy and his merry band of dweebs? Did I mention their idea of fun is sniffing each other's socks?
* * * * *
Tommy: Take me off the being-a-good-cousin list. Party's back on, which means I'm off the hook!
Dil: (Squeals).
Phil: Uh, you may want to ix-nay the hook talk around kid porpoise.
Dil: (Squeals).
Phil: Uh, you may want to ix-nay the hook talk around kid porpoise.
* * * * *
Tommy: It's like even though Lil disses Phil all the time, she defends him when other kids do it.
Phil: You diss me?
Lil: Only behind your back.
Phil: Oh...okay then.
Phil: You diss me?
Lil: Only behind your back.
Phil: Oh...okay then.
* * * * *
Savannah: Oh, is that where the cool kids are sitting?
Angelica: Uh huh. Sorry Savannah, those seats are taken.
Savannah: By who?
Angelica: Some cool kids.
Chuckie: Is she pointing at us or do I have something hanging out of my nose?
Angelica: Uh huh. Sorry Savannah, those seats are taken.
Savannah: By who?
Angelica: Some cool kids.
Chuckie: Is she pointing at us or do I have something hanging out of my nose?
Tommy: Both.
